| ext"> | | | | have loved to have had a mother who showed me |
| When you were growing up, did you ever wish that | | | | how to take loving care of myself instead showing me |
| your parents were happy? Did you feel safe when | | | | how to be an unhappy martyr. |
| they were happy and peaceful? | | | | Often, in my counseling work with parents, I ask them |
| My mother was rarely a happy person. Most of the | | | | if their parents were happy. Most of the time they say |
| time she was anxious, angry and felt overburdened, | | | | no. I ask them if they wanted their parents to be |
| even though I was her only child. She rarely laughed | | | | happy and invariably they say, âYes, I would |
| and was often upset with me, or my father. Clearly, | | | | have loved it.â Yet these same parents are |
| she made both of us responsible for her happiness | | | | not taking responsibility for making themselves happy |
| and we consistently fell short. | | | | now. They are acting just like their parents â |
| I would have given anything to have had a happy | | | | anxious, angry, depressed, withdrawn, resistant, or |
| mother â a mother who knew how to take | | | | compliant. |
| responsibility for her own happiness and pain. I would | | | | |